just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
