I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
