I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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