is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
