Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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