I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
