i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
