I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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