i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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