OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
