i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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