I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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