another moral hangover. fuck.
Four minutes until I can fart!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
