did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
