i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
