hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
