I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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