idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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