if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
