My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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