she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
