I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
