Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish I only lived at night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My vagina just recognized that song.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
