How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize