i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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