You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
