the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
