I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
