You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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