Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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