Dual....:-)
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
