The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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