I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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