I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
