I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
