So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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