ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
