The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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