Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
