Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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