and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
