I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
