It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
