I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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