I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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