I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
