clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
