Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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