I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
FUCK WHALES
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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