On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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