Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
