I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
