hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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