I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Barsexuality is the new black.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
