So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
