I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
