This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
