Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
