You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize