i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
