so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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