Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize