she was so not down for the gang bang
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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