We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
