it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
