remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
